In order that the beautiful might be discovered

 Children, Family, Life  No Responses »
Jul 022011
 

My four year old loves to create art.  Cut and paste with scissors and glue, draw with crayons, pencils or markers, paint.  Today his preferred method for his creative expression was paint.  Paint is messy and I don’t do so well with messy.  I love to watch him as he gets lost in the moment of personal expression; I cringe at the mess that goes along with that.  Lots of paper towels close by just in case.

Sometimes life is messy.  While I would prefer neat, clean and orderly I am beginning to embrase more of the messy.  Messy things sometimes are a needed step in the process to uncover the beautiful.  To allow the beautiful to be created.  When I stop trying to keep life clean and orderly I open myself up to a whole new world of beautiful.

Allowing my son to get messy, to create a mess in his process of creating art and personal expression is so important.   The messy things in my life might very well be an important process to uncovering my true inner beauty; in the image of my creator.

While I will never enjoy the messy things I am learning to appreciate the value.  Understanding that in the right environment the mess is not without purpose.

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 Posted by at 6:00 am

A Play Date With My Son

 Children, Family  No Responses »
Jun 072011
 

Lately I have been in major task mode.  It seems I have seasons in which the overwhelming and endless list of “to do’s” start becoming the compass that direct my days.  Life feels out of control and I feel worn out.  Until I remember “What matters most?”.   It is often little reminders that God places in my path.  Reading an inspiring blog, running into an old friend, a day spent with other “Worn out Women”, my husbands relentless(and too sweet to refuse) text messages inviting me to lunch in the middle of a crazy busy day, my little boys hand prints on the back door or their laughter as they run through the sprinkler in the back yard.  Reminders that life is about people.

So this morning after dropping off my older one at pre-school the little guy and I had a play date.  Instead of running around doing errands or going home to work and chores we grabbed our helmets and set out on our bike.  I watched this one year old little boy wave and say “hi” to the strangers we passed.  We passed trees and cars and dogs and he named them out loud with words.  He pointed and said “look” and was excited by his world as it passed us by.  He was happy and content in that moment and I was blessed and encouraged being with him.

After parking the bicycle in the garage we walked to the park next to our house.  His little hand reaching up fitting snuggly in mine as we walked.  We played, we explored, we laughed and we chatted in simple words.  Eventually heading home to seek the refreshment of water and snacks.

Life will always have an endless list of tasks needing attention.  There will always be important and necessary “to do’s” on my list.  Today was a day that reminded me why dates with my boys must hold priority on my list.  A lunch date with my husband in the middle of the busy day.  Stopping to read books, play games or turn the sprinkler on outside for my four year old.  Having a play date with my one year old, exploring the world around us without competition for attention.  It all hopefully says “I love you and you are important”.  When I take time focused on my boys somehow it brings back balance and restores my calmer spirit.  Maybe because it is where I am meant to be, what matters most.  It is a great reminder that the urgent is not always the most important and the most important can easily get lost in the background while I am busy handling the urgent.   May my task list always be surrounded with the reminders of what truly matters most.

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 Posted by at 6:00 am

Original Artwork

 Children, Life, Spiritual  1 Response »
May 052011
 

Words written like poetry, stories told as if painting a picture before my eyes.

I see art and I long to be an artist.

Long ago I labeled myself with the title “business professional”.  Clean lines, tailored suits and closed toed shoes seemed to fit me better.  Others have identified art in me.  Only just enough talent however to appreciate art.  Never enough to consider myself an artist.  Never feeling comfortable with any true flow of creative expression.  Always admiring from a distance the true ARTISTS.

Today I watched my four year old struggle with art.  I asked him to create a picture using crayons, markers or pencils.  Anything he wanted.  He has shown talent for being able to just create, he is creative.   Today however he was hindered by this simple request.  The pressure to make something special did not allow him to just enjoy what can come naturally.  I watched as he became increasingly frustrated by his inability to recreate.  He wanted to reproduce something.  A copy of a picture he has seen not an original of his own making.  He starts over and over, paper after paper started but never finished and tossed aside because it is not right.  Rather than embracing what is his to make he is attempting to force the recreation of someone else’s art.

In my watching I am challenged.  How easy it is to cross the line from being inspired by others to trying to recreate, copy or reproduce others art in our own lives.  We see others talents and desire that talent.  We see others accomplishments and strive to achieve.  We hear what program has worked for them and we attempt to incorporate that very same program into our routine.  Personally I want to be inspired by others.  I enjoy reading the words written like poetry and watching pictures being created with words, with paint, with camera’s.  Reading others storis and journeys can be inspirational.  I long for inspiration, encouragement and hunger to learn.  Yet I must remind myself while being inspired, learning and applying the learnings to do so without plagiarism.  Uniquely and wonderfully I have been created.  Created by the Master Artist to accomplish His Good and Perfect Work.  Inspiration, encouragement and learning from others can be wonderful and a part of who we are becoming.   But I must not plagiarize others art, others lives.  All my learning must be added to my tool box.  It must fit in with my coloring crayons and my markers, with my pen and paper, my calculator.  From there must I allow my natural and God given gifts and talents to flow and create.  It may look like numbers balanced on a spread sheet, it may be not so poetic words written on paper but it will be original.

Whatever my artistic expression, it must be mine not my attempt to recreate someone else in their art.

Psalm 139: 11-16

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

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 Posted by at 5:30 am

The desires of our heart

 Children, Faith, Spiritual  No Responses »
Apr 102011
 

Elkanah her husband would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”-1 Samuel 1:8

Hannah’s heart ached for a child (vs 10)”…..in bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord” (vs 16) “…….I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”  Year after year there was no baby for Hannah, for whatever reason (vs 6) the Lord had closed her womb.

Starting out the Study of 1 Samuel I had never imagined the lessons I would learn just in the first chapter.  My heart was aching and for that time the Lord had closed my womb.  How easy it was to become consumed with the longing, the aching for something I did not have.  Then I read “Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” and as I began to process this verse it was as if a gentle voice whispered in my ear.  ”Joy, Am I NOT enough?”

There are many different longings in this world.  Some of us may wish for a husband, some of us for money, some of us for children and so on.  There were two things that I came to realize in 1 Samuel Chapter 1.  The first was that rather than living with anguish and grief I needed to be content with what God had already given me.  When I began to focus on what I did have, my reality changed.  The blessing I had been given in a loving and supportive husband was a gift many women with children longed for.  I had so much more than I deserved and needed to not take that for granted.  The second thing I realized was that when God grants us the desire of our heart we need to hold it with an open hand.  (vs 27 & 28) “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord.  For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”

After a long journey of learning to walk with God in a new way, strengthening my relationship with my husband and living focused on today rather than longing for tomorrow; God granted me the desire of my heart.  In December of 2006 a beautiful baby boy was born.  I thanked God for this miracle and often as he slept in his crib I would open my hands and pray something like this:

“Lord, Thank You for this little miracle and blessing.  May I always remember that he is a gift from you.  A child we have been given the privilege to raise.   Give us the wisdom to raise him for your glory.  Help me to hold him with my hands open, for I give him back into your arms.  Protect him, love him and make him Yours.”

While I have seen God work in amazing ways it is still difficult to live believing His way is perfect. Fear often times keeps me from moving forward, from walking by faith.  Yet, I know God is faithful.

Psalm 33:4

“For the word of the Lord is right and true;  He is faithful in all he does.”

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 Posted by at 5:00 am

Play Dates

 Children, Life  No Responses »
Apr 082011
 

We sit on the floor surrounded by toys and active play.  Conversation is interrupted by the need to place a toy in time out (due to irreconcilable difference by parties involved in the playing with toy).  We have just remembered what we were talking about when we are once again interrupted by the need for diaper changes, mediating disputes and providing more supplies for whatever game is being played.  We are tired and find it easy to wish away these days, the demands and chaos of these days.  It will be nice when they are in school and we can have lunch together in peace, maybe even get through a conversation without forgetting what we started talking about.

On a different day when we are not so tired and worn down we realize the blessings that have been found in these crazy days.  Our oldest have been friends since they were tiny babies, our youngest have never known life without each other.  The depth of our friendship has been formed over years of sitting on the floor managing the chaos of little ones playing.  Sadly or not so sadly depending on the day our little ones are getting older.  Play dates have been rescheduled around preschool and other activities.  And while we long for moments of peace and uninterrupted conversations those times will come at a cost.  It is already harder to schedule trips to the science center, picnics at the park, rainy days in the play room.  There will be different schools, different interests and different friends.  The reality is that we will look back and miss these days.  Times of simply sitting on the floor in the middle of chaos watching our little ones learn how to interact in their tiny world.  We will miss those conversations started and never finished, the bonding that comes with supporting one another through sleepless nights, potty training and sibling rivalry.

In these past months there has been a realization that while life with little ones at times feels crazy and exhausting, it has been a relational blessing.  Friendships have been formed in unexpected places, casual relationships have become strong friendships, co-workers friends and friends have become like sisters.  And in many cases these relationships have been build stronger over play dates with our kids.  Sitting on the floor in the middle of chaos we have found common interests, similar struggles, encouragement and strength.    Most of the time we fail to realize the value we are gaining.  We arrive having struggled to get everyone out of the house and on time.  We leave exhausted and ready for naps, mommy naps.

As our little ones grow the dynamics of play dates will change.  For now may we be constantly reminded of the blessing found in this stage of life.  The come as you are, no expectations, tears and exhaustion accepted times spent sitting on the floor in the middle of chaos is building friendships that hopefully will last a life time.

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 Posted by at 5:00 am

Rain Boots

 Children, Life  No Responses »
Apr 052011
 

I watch him as he struggles to put on rain boots.  He is determined that he shall wear his brothers boots.  These boots are not his size, they are much too big for him.  His own rain boots, the ones that fit him, the ones that are perfect for him have been tossed aside.  They are not the pair he wants to wear.  He wants to wear his brother boots. They are better.

Eventually he gets them on and he is so very proud of his achievement.  I look down and see that they are on the wrong feet, but they are on.  Now what? Ready to go?

He attempts to stand up with these WAY TOO BIG rain boots on his feet.  Only to have them fall right off.  He finds himself struggling to stand or to keep his balance.  His own rain boots still there saying “pick me, I am the right size”.  Soon he is able to balance and reposition himself on the floor.  Instead of reaching for his own rain boots, the ones that fit, he starts over.  Once again putting on his brothers rain boots.  After all he wants to be just like his big brother.

I watch my little guy over and over attempt and fail to wear his big brothers rain boots.  His own perfectly good rain boots tossed to the side.  He is determined to wear them but no matter how hard he tries they are not yet the right size for him, they do not fit his tiny feet.

How often do I look at the shoes someone else is wearing and wish they were my own? How often do I attempt over and over again to wear rain boots that are yet too big for me?  Watching my youngest today I was reminded of how easy it is for me to be discontent with things in my life.  How easy is it to look at others and work so hard to be just like them?  Meanwhile my rain boots, the ones just my size, the ones that already fit me perfectly have been tossed to the side.  Instead of being able to get up and move forward I remain on the floor trying in vain to wear something that has not been made to fit me.

If only I would realize that I can go so much farther when I put on the boots that were made to fit me rather than trying to walk in someone else’s shoes.

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 Posted by at 5:00 am

On the kitchen floor

 Children  2 Responses »
Mar 182011
 

Sitting on the kitchen floor, lightsaber (as in star wars weapon)in hand.   Listening to very specific instructions from my four year old as to proper battling protocol.  Meanwhile there is a fifteen month old climbing into my lap begging for some attention.  Signing please and mumbling “eat, eat” in desperation.  Dinner has finally made it to the oven but my kitchen is a mess.  The door to the laundry room is open and there is a pile of clothes, begging to be put away.  I hear the ding of my phone as it tells me I have messages, asking me to read it.  There are finger prints (and even face prints) on the back door that I long to wipe away.  I see crumbs on the floor that need sweeping, hand prints on the cabinets that need cleaning and in it all I am longing for just a minute or two of peace and quiet.  My mind is trying to escape into a place of its own and I must remind myself to be present in this very moment.

My childhood is full of positive memories, of play.  As I look back many of them include lots of friends, large messes and lots of creativity.  My mother siting with us playing play dough, watching as we pushed the dough through tiny holes in plastic figures and called it hair.  Mixing  the colors of the rainbow until it’s all brown.  My father building play forts out of old shipping crates and hanging indoor swings in our upstairs hallway.  Lots of my favorite memories came with giant messes, lots of kids and total chaos.

I want that for my boys.  I long for them to have the memories built from freedom to explore life, imagine the impossible and enjoy building from recycled boxes and old blankets.  To have the kind of creativity that is messy  and at times chaotic.  It is a constant battle for me.  Knowing that they need space and freedom to create, to play, to be messy.  I love order, structure, tidy and controlled.  I long to run around picking up the toys out of place, wiping hands and  organizing their days.  I just want to clean up and keep it that way.

Finally the chaos in the kitchen begins to get to me.  The tears of the little one, battle cries of the older one ringing in my ears.  So we change gears, we put away the battle cries and tears, we start singing.  Sitting on the floor in the kitchen, in the middle of the mess we sing.  Starting with “Jesus Loves Me” and as we sing there is a calm.  Maybe it is that I begin to feel calm.  I remind myself that I need to cherish these moments.  These little ones will go to bed and I will have a quiet moment.  They will go to school and I will have many more quiet moments.  They will leave home and I will long for the chaos that we once had in the kitchen waiting for Daddy to come home and dinner to be ready.  I will someday miss wiping away tiny hand prints and sweeping up crumbs.

There can be order, schedules and plans but I must remind myself to maintain balance.  To not become focused on what is not getting done or what needs to get done.  For in this season, in this here and now the chaos may be where the most precious memories are being build.   The memories that these little boys will carry with them as they grow, the best ones just might be formed on the kitchen floor, in the middle of lots of mess and plenty of chaos.

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 Posted by at 5:00 am
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