Grandpa and Daddy got to take Ben to his first Panters Football Game. 

Many memories were made with great friends and family.

In December we celebrated a 2nd Birthday

….and a 5th Birthday!

We Danced and Played!

We enjoyed several Christmas activities, such as…

….a visit to a live Nativity 

….the boys preschool Christmas Program and

…some Christmas Shopping.

We enjoyed a wonderful Christmas Eve. 

Christmas Eve Service was followed by a special evening with friends and a drive to view Christmas lights.

Christmas Day arrived bright and early.

 Bringing with it lots of excitement and joyful noise.

2011 has been a good year.  Many good days and some not so good days.  We are thankful for all that we have been given and have learned.

With much anticipation we enter 2012.

Happy New Years!

In this imperfect world that we live in; in our very own human strength we can not live out perfect love.  The love displayed towards others is not always patient or kind.  At times we are envious and we can be boastful, displaying moments of pride.  We treat each other rudely and we seek that which is best for ourselves.   We are often quick to anger and our memory for those moments when we have been wronged is endless.  We find ourselves delighting in the failures of others.  We do not always seek to protect, we are cautious before trusting.  We lack hope in the midst of everyday trials.  We surrender way too soon.  

Often times when we reflect on someones life and legacy we tend to focus on all the good or remember all the bad.   We can lack balance.  It is easy to build up perfection in the memories we carry of our loved ones.  Yet we cannot live up to perfection.  We live in an imperfect world.  

My Grandfather will celebrate his 90th birthday in February.  As my Grandmothers health slowly fails we as a family have been brought to a time of reflection.  Reflecting on the life and legacy we have been given; the gifts that have been passed on from my Grandparents.  This week I have been reflecting on memories of my Grandfather.  What is it that comes to mind, what stands out most about who he is and what I have learned from him?  LOVE.  

When I think of my Grandfather and of his Love for his family I do not think of it as perfect.  He has not always been gentle in his words and his patiences can be easily tried.   In fact Grandpa is my very own  ”Old Bear”.  The outer exterior can sometimes reflect a poor image of the inner heart.  Anyone who spends time with G’pa will learn that he loves deeply, regardless of how well he shows it or doesn’t show it.  Grandpa loves God with all his heart.  Grandpa loves his family and his greatest desire in these last few years has been to pass on blessing to his children and grandchildren.  His heart is to see the next generations of his family with Christ at the center of their lives. 

When our oldest son was three months old we were privileged to introduce him to his Great Grandparents.  During that visit Grandpa took time to pray for and bless him.  While our second son has never met his Great Grandparents in person at five months pregnant my Grandfather prayed for and blessed our youngest son, yet to be born.  

Each and every day for as long as I can remember my Grandparents have diligently prayed for their family.  Their children, their grandchildren and now their great grandchildren.  We have been blessed with examples of godly character.  Not always perfect but always perfect in Christ.  For Christ has worked in and through my Grandfather in such an amazing way.  This is the Love my Grandpa has shown me best.  For He loved us, His Family with Christ as his compass and his feet firmly planted on the solid foundation of God’s word.  

I do not have words to express all that is in my heart for Grandpa.

“I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH OLD BEAR”

(Picture I gave to Grandpa Christmas 1992)

When I think of my Grandmother I think of Proverbs 31.  She has been a role model, an example of the women I desire to be when I grow up.  Grandma has not lived her life perfectly, she did not start out as the perfect wife, the perfect mother or the perfect grandmother.  Yet Grandma’s life was perfect in Christ.  She lived out her salvation in a real and active way.  Grandma leaves behind not earthly riches but a treasure far greater; A spiritual heritage that is worth far more than any gold.  

My Tribute:

“My Grandmother has spoken with wisdom, and provided faithful instruction to the next generation. She has watched over the affairs of her household and has not eaten the bread of idleness. Her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:   “Many women do noble things, but Grandma surpasses them all”.  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but my Grandmother who has feared the LORD is to be praised.  We Honor Grandma for all that her hands have done.  Let her works bring her praise.”      Proverbs 31:25 – 31 (paraphrased)

It is the beginning of a new season.  A season which inspires some to clean out closets, bake fresh home made goodies and bring out a few new decorative items.   Hometown county fairgrounds open,  neighborhood gatherings and fall festivals are a plenty.  Football and other sports, practice and games crowd schedules.  Sharpened pencils and freshly lined paper fill backpacks.  Pumpkin patches, corn mazes and  hayrides are weekend pass times.

Welcome to FALL/Autumn!

As I write my mind is heavy and full.  It carries the weight of all the must be done.  The essential tasks needing completion for work, for running the household, for just getting by each day.  It carries the burden of raising little boys, being a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  Knowing that time is not on my side when it comes to investing in all that is most important.  At least not to invest in the way my heart longs to be invested in those I hold most dear.  

The simple art of brewing tea in a tea pot.  The penmanship and artistry required in the use of a fountain pen as it forms words on beautiful paper.  The art found in poetry and song.  When my mind is heavy with task I find myself loosing appreciation for  the moments in life, the beauty found in making that cup of tea.  Instead I struggle to not have phone in hand and access to email or text, technology that allows me to do while being.  I find in that multitasking I am loosing the art of simply being.  

So here I am back to longing for a simplicity in my days.  A simplicity that allows me to simply be present in the moment that is now.

Luke 6:43-45

Regardless of the catalyst leading to our reactions in the many circumstance of life; that reaction must be owned.  It is easy to blame the behaviors of others or the events that are out of our control.  Yet it is in those difficult moments our true nature shines through in our responses or reactions.   The very characteristics we hate to identify ourselves with are revealed most in the stress.

The questions must then be asked:

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of ” – what is my heart full of?  

What is being revealed from the very nature of my heart in difficult and stressful situations?

Do I spend time trying to control my reactions, my words yet forget about my heart?

Sometimes life is messy.  While I would prefer neat, clean and orderly I am beginning to embrase more of the messy.  Messy things sometimes are a needed step in the process to uncover the beautiful.  To allow the beautiful to be created.  When I stop trying to keep life clean and orderly I open myself up to a whole new world of beautiful.

Allowing my son to get messy, to create a mess in his process of creating art and personal expression is so important.   The messy things in my life might very well be an important process to uncovering my true inner beauty; in the image of my creator.

While I will never enjoy the messy things I am learning to appreciate the value.  Understanding that in the right environment the mess is not without purpose.

The great big life changing events and crisis come along.  There may be a pause to absorb but for the most part I naturally go to those old faithful verses such as 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Grace, Strength and the Power of Christ step in and carry me in those times of weakness.

Yet when the days seem normal and routine, it’s the little things that catch me.   My self induced dramatic meltdowns over, well let’s face it, nothing earth shattering.  When you really step back and take a look there are generally easy solutions at worst or at best there isn’t really anything that needs solving.  It’s just a matter of remembering what matters most.  But here I am yelling at my kids, fussing at my husband or on a good day sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor crying.  Why?

Because my house is a mess, the laundry is piled high, the washer won’t start while the three times rescheduled repair is four days away. Because the boys are loud, climbing everything and anything, their handprints, shoe prints and face prints on every piece of furniture, door and window in the house.  Because toys are everywhere and I stub my toe (and it hurts).  Because when I answer “No” to a question I get back a list of twenty five reasons why the answer I really meant to give was “yes”.  Because all of a sudden I heard myself repeated in the words of my child; I did not like what I heard.  Because I went to the store for the fifth time this week and still forgot the milk (which was the very reason I went in the first place).  Because dinner did not turn out as planned, it did not happen at all or better yet the take out order was totally wrong.  Because my prescription wasn’t ready on time, the gas light in the car was on and I was late for an appointment.  Because everyone needs something and “mommy” and “I want” are said in the same breath WAY too often.  Because life gets messy.

It’s the little things! The everyday, routines of life all strung together that can steal the joy and peace.  Alone they have little power to take me down.  However, one at a time they gradually begin to weave themselves in and out of the day.  Sneaking in little by little until that moment when that last “little” thing hits and meltdown mode begins.  The Ugly, UnChrist like comes out and the worry, stress or fretting over those ‘little things’ steals the joy for that day.

As I reflect upon how quickly I allow the random stresses, those inconvenient, often frustrating and even difficult moments to allow me to loose sight of what matters most; I do not like what I see.  I want His Grace to be sufficient in ALL things, big and little.  My desire is to reflect Christ in me through my responses to all that life throws my way.

It is a journey that is just begun and has a long way to go.   As the laundry continues to pile up, schedules interrupted and as toys continue to trail across the floors I pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

As I attempt to be more aware of those “little” moments and “joy stealing” circumstances in each day may I be intentional in seeking out Christ’s words as my reminders and my strength when I am weak.

Luke 12:25-28  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

So this morning after dropping off my older one at pre-school the little guy and I had a play date.  Instead of running around doing errands or going home to work and chores we grabbed our helmets and set out on our bike.  I watched this one year old little boy wave and say “hi” to the strangers we passed.  We passed trees and cars and dogs and he named them out loud with words.  He pointed and said “look” and was excited by his world as it passed us by.  He was happy and content in that moment and I was blessed and encouraged being with him.

After parking the bicycle in the garage we walked to the park next to our house.  His little hand reaching up fitting snuggly in mine as we walked.  We played, we explored, we laughed and we chatted in simple words.  Eventually heading home to seek the refreshment of water and snacks.

Life will always have an endless list of tasks needing attention.  There will always be important and necessary “to do’s” on my list.  Today was a day that reminded me why dates with my boys must hold priority on my list.  A lunch date with my husband in the middle of the busy day.  Stopping to read books, play games or turn the sprinkler on outside for my four year old.  Having a play date with my one year old, exploring the world around us without competition for attention.  It all hopefully says “I love you and you are important”.  When I take time focused on my boys somehow it brings back balance and restores my calmer spirit.  Maybe because it is where I am meant to be, what matters most.  It is a great reminder that the urgent is not always the most important and the most important can easily get lost in the background while I am busy handling the urgent.   May my task list always be surrounded with the reminders of what truly matters most.

If only this debt was paid off…

If only we had a better house…..

If only I didn’t have to face this illness……

If only we had, didn’t have, could do, didn’t have to do……LIFE WOULD BE BETTER.

I have lived the lie that everyone else is…..

Happier …. Content ……. Secure …….. Self Confident

I have resisted the guidance towards making the best choices.  Resenting the long, difficult roads and often less traveled paths that doing the “right thing” can require.

I have believed that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.  That keeping up with the “Jones” is a valid pass time.

Focused on the external things of this world life can quickly become overwhelming.  The “if only” thoughts keep me living for a future that never arrives rather than fully in my present.  The “everyone else” comparisons are built on outward impressions not realities.  The hardest roads traveled are often the ones with the greatest blessings found at the end.  The grass is never greener and the “Jones” are never worth keeping up with.

Matthew 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Where is my heart?  Where is my focus?  Where am I building my treasure?

May the answer be on all things that matter for eternity.  May I continually fight the “if only’s”, the “everyone else” and may I travel the hard roads with humility and grace.

Ephesians 4:22 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self,which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”