A Change In Perspective

What would life look like if we lived fully present each day, right where we are? Holding plans loosely in our hands, knowing that roads twist and turn along the way and life is full of unexpected. None of us could have imagined 2020 the way it has unfolded. My bet is this year has not measured up to most expectations. This fall season in itself has given me whiplash from the constantly changing plans. Yet when I pause, take a deep breath and allow myself to notice, I find gifts in those twists and turns—hard things for sure but also blessings.

A recent example, pandemic life closed the border to Canada, so my parents, who had planned to be visiting my sister, couldn’t travel there. This change led to an unexpected blessing for Andrew and me, an opportunity to sneak away to the mountains for a few days. The boys scheduled to transition from all remote learning to hybrid made for crazy schedules and transitions for G’ma and G’pa to manage. As we made plans for our escape, school plans kept changing. While the stress of the constant uncertainty almost killed me, it turns out the delay in return to hybrid allowed my boys to stay at their grandparent’s house, as they were still remote learning—making it easier for us to be gone into the school week. As a bonus, the Canadians have decided to begin allowing family members into the country, meaning that my parents are now making plans to visit my sister. It’s later than expected but still an unexpected gift.

The story I’ve believed for much of my life said it was about overcoming, moving beyond the hard things. In my mind living well meant pushing through the challenging obstacles along the path, headed to the picture-perfect life I had painted. Many years of trying to keep that narrative inside my nicely organized box only left me worn out and exhausted. Over time my nicely built box could no longer maintain all the crazy obstacles and challenging stories; they began to push their way out. It was flowing slowly at first, seeping through one drop at a time until the box could no longer contain it all. And life poured out like a flood. Left realizing how little control I had and refusing to remain stuck drowning in the sea of emotions, I began to ask new questions.

What if our story isn’t about where we are going, but instead, it’s about where we are?

What if our narrative isn’t one of overcoming hard things?

Instead, what if the most extraordinary story of our lives is living well amid the hard things?

What if we started seeing our beautiful lives right where we are by letting go of the picture once created of how beautiful lives should look?

Not every twist and turn, change in plans, or u-turn in the road ends up working out like our opportunity for an unexpected escape to the mountains. Yet it can be as much about perspective than actual events that take place. Have I been stressed and anxious, exhausted from the continually changing plans and unknowns? YES. It’s almost impossible in this pandemic life to avoid the stress and grief being handed out daily. Yet, instead of allowing that anxiety’s weight, the fear around the uncertainty, I am choosing to change the narrative. Change my perspective.

In a recent Not My Story Podcast, guest Dr. Julia Hurlow shared the twists and turns of her unexpected journey with host Sarah Westfall. We hear the statement, “The grass is always greener on the other side,” used often. Dr. Hurlow approached that perspective from a different angle. She said, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Such a beautiful perspective and reminder to pay attention to where we are. We may be standing on brown grass at the moment, but what if we watered the grass we had rather than looking for new grass?

Maya Angelo has a quote I’ve shared before and remember often. “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” It’s easy to get stuck with the narrative we have believed for so long. Change is hard, even painful at times. Grief over unfulfilled dreams is real grief. We need to acknowledge the hard journeys, the challenges in the u-turns, and unexpected road bumps. But maybe, just maybe, instead of attempting to push through and get to the other side, we can pause. We can change the way we think about today and choose to live fully present right where we are. Living well along the journey rather than merely holding on until we reach a destination we’ve imagined to be better.