The other day I was thinking about how nice it would be if we could flip a switch to change the season. One moment it would be clearly all things summer, summer schedules, summer weather, and then when it was time for fall, we could flip a switch. And with the flip of a button, it would then be all things fall, fall schedules, fall weather. It would all be nice and clear with no transitional in-between space needed.
You see, I struggle with the transitional in-between spaces. The places where you know change is coming or needs to come, but it’s not yet here. Everyday life still happens but with an uncertainty hovering around, clouding the view.
Right now, my activities say it’s back-to-school season. However, according to the calendar, it’s still technically summer, and the weather agrees, so we can’t yet put away summer. But our schedules don’t allow the whole experience to be summer, so until the weather decides to produce fall-like days, we hoover in this in-between space. Not living like it’s summer but not yet fully able to embrace fall rhythms.
This season of parenting big kids, these emerging teens to emerging adults, has felt like living in this in-between space. Our kids are not little and do not require the same constant oversight, and yet they are still not fully independent. That total independence is coming, likely sooner than we’d prefer, but it’s a gradual transition. We are still the parents parenting, but also the parents beginning to release responsibility to our young people. Some things we hold tight, while other things we hand off and say, “ok, you own that now.”
It feels like we are living in this in-between. Our kids are preparing to be independent, but not yet there.
I’ve decided to name this summer of 2022 a summer of Growing Pains. And no, this title is not referencing the 1980’s TV show for those old enough to remember. Instead, growing pains is my attempt to label our transitioning into the next stage of parenting.
While transitioning from child to teenager didn’t happen overnight, we have felt an enormous shift this season. When you live as a family, one person’s growth and occasional growing pains impact the rhythm of the entire family.
We spent the summer learning how to navigate a job search and then working the first job (which turned into two part-time jobs) as we juggled sports conditioning and social life. All while trying to make room for family time and what matters to each of us independently as we live busy lives together.
In other words, we spent the summer trying to figure out how to desperately hold on to the core of who we are as a family while making space for allowing some growing independence.
Sometimes growth is beautiful, but often it’s ugly and painful. As a family, we have seen both beautiful growth and experienced ugly growing pains. Hence, my label for this summer became a summer of growing pains.
It would be nice if we could magically flip a switch and move from parenting children to releasing functioning adults into the world without the growing pains of in-between seasons. But alas, I’ve realized that we need the in-between seasons of transition. At least I do. I need time to process what has been and what is coming. Always in a hurry to get things done. If I could flip a switch and move on, I’m afraid I would miss a lot of beauty weaved through the in-between seasons.
While on a summer camping trip, my husband told our boys that we needed these family times to really know each other. We need to get away from distractions to see who they are and who they are becoming. We need these pauses, these in-between seasons, to help us be aware of where we are and where we are going. And if necessary, make a course correction.
As convenient as it would be to put away my summer and welcome fall with a flip of a switch, I believe I might miss a lot of beauty. The same goes for the in-between transitions of parenting and life in general. There is so much beauty to be found watching two seasons dance together in the in-between.
So my friends, let’s watch together as the seasons dance back and forth until one recognizes it’s time to take center stage, and the other realizes it’s time to step off the dance floor. Let’s embrace the beauty and the challenges of the in-between seasons because so much beautiful growth happens here.
