Choosing Joy in the Midst of Hard Things

Have you noticed how hard things tend to happen in clusters, some say in threes? The dishwasher breaks, the garage door won’t open, and of course, you get a flat tire. But those are just minor annoyances.

Perhaps, you are in the midst of a challenging season of parenting when a dear friend finds out they have cancer, and you find yourself facing the sudden loss of a loved one. Some clusters of hard can feel too much to carry. Add a few years of #pandemiclife and war in process across the ocean, and we can easily find ourselves struggling to find hope or feel any joy.

So what can you do when faced with a life that seems to lack joy in the ordinary every day?

Become the overzealous optimist – the glass half full, look on the bright side, stuff all the negative emotions down. For a while, you may be able to feel upbeat optimism, but eventually, all the grief, fear, and unprocessed emotions begin to leak out and spill.

Or, the doom and gloomier – the glass half empathy, woe is me, its all hard and the world is awful, negative thinker. Getting all the negative emotions out may for a moment make you feel better, but eventually, you find yourself living in a pit of despair, a watcher of life instead of a participant.

But what if we didn’t have to be one way or another? What if we could acknowledge and process the challenging things, the grief we hold and then decide in the midst of all that hard to choose joy?

Sadness and joy can co-exist, or as Nicole Zasowski says, “sadness and joy can hold a memory together.” Sidenote: one of the best reminders that all emotions have an essential role is the 2015 movie Inside Out. I highly recommend you watch it if you haven’t already.

There are days when I look in the mirror and struggle to hold sadness and joy, but joy is my namesake. How can I not fight hard to choose it, even amidst the sadness? And so, I “choose the joy we hope to feel”  and I practice rhythms that help me find joy.

Lament – Before I rush into a potentially forced feeling of joy, I am reminded of Ann Voskamp’s words, “true lament is bold faith that trusts perfect love enough to feel and cry authentic.” I have learned that to move forward in choosing joy, I must acknowledge and sit with the challenging emotions. So I cry authentic in my prayers, admitting that I am angry, scared, hurt, tired, and worn out.

Gratitude – Lament is essential, but I also do not want to live in that place for too long, so I consider how perspective matters. Chara, the Greek word for joy, is a derivative of Eucharist, the Greek word for thanksgiving. Something I learned reading Ann Voskamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, where she reminds us that, “the feeling of joy begins with the action of thanksgiving.” In choosing joy, I focus not on what has been lost but instead on gratitude for what has been given.

Community – Choosing joy can feel scary when faced with an unknown tomorrow. Sitting with grief and not allowing it to swallow us whole can be challenging. Allowing others into our vulnerability and pain can be terrifying. Yet, might I suggest that the journey to walk well amid hard things and to choose joy is a journey best traveled in community. It is not an easy road to walk alone. In her book, What if it’s Wonderful? Nicole Zasowski reminds us that “connection with others in the midst of pain can be a path towards joy.”

Celebration – I used to see a celebration as a significant event or a party, and honestly, I am not a party person. However, I am beginning to understand that having a rhythm of celebration does not need to look like party streamers and fancy lights, although for some it might. A celebration can look like coffee with a friend, buying flowers at the farmers market, or a treasure hunt by the lake. More importantly, celebration is a rhythm that creates space to remember God’s faithfulness and find our place in His story.

The secret to cultivating joy in the future,
is to celebrate the life we are living now.

Nicole Zasowski

We do not have to deny that life is difficult and that there is brokenness in the world, to be able to choose joy and embrace this one beautiful life we have been given. After all, sadness and joy can co-exist. We only need to be brave enough to step out and choose joy regardless of circumstance, because “what if it’s wonderful?”