Living Authentically

Authenticity is a word that popped up some time ago and I have kept shoving down because well let’s face it, being authentic can be scary. Recently on a, That Sounds Fun podcast EnnaSummer2020 episode guest Candice made a statement that resonated with me. “Be authentic with everyone but transparent with a few.” Take a deep breath, maybe authenticity doesn’t have to be so scary? Later as I sorted a stack of note cards with thoughts, ideas, and quotes I came across a quote from Brene Brown.

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
Brene Brown

There that word Authenticity was again, demanding attention. No longer content to be ignored. Why does this word feel so daunting? As I read Brene Brown’s quote I was struck by the words….. real, honest, true selves. Making a choice to be authentic isn’t an easy choice. We live in a world where we use filters to show our best selves on social media. Inadvertently or intentionally we have been sold the lie that our authentic self is not good enough.

If we desire to be authentic, it means making a choice to let our true selves be seen. Yet do we really know our true selves? Have we taken the time to reflect on the person we are? Not the one we present to fit in, wearing the labels we’ve been given or created for ourselves out of self-preservation?

If we believe in order to be authentic we need to make a choice to let others see our real, true, honest self, what does that look like?

Do I even know my true self? Not the labels I have been given or made for myself. Before I can present my true self I need to know my true self. Many of us have spent so much time being what we believe we are meant to be we’ve lost sight of who we truly are.

So do we just take a quiz/test to find ourselves? Maybe if you’re not sure where to start or you just want to learn some more personality/social style information a test is a good place to start. I love using resources available as a way to better understand myself and others. Recently (as in the last year or two) I discovered the enneagram. If you aren’t familiar with it you may enjoy learning more and I’ve added resources at the end to help you. But maybe this kind of personal discovery doesn’t interest you or is just one piece of the puzzle.

Start to ask yourself questions and simply paying attention to how situations make you feel. What makes you feel alive, what gets you excited, what wears you down? Does coloring your hair make you excited? Does it feel fun? If the answer is yes then maybe that’s authentically you. Once upon a time, I was energized by a change in hair color, a new style, and well-manicured nails. Now the thought of it exhausts me. I proudly wear my wisdom high lights and more often than not in the summer there is dirt underneath my nails that even the nail brush failed to reach. Keep pay attention because sometimes what once felt very much like you, may no longer fit with an authentic you today.

Listen carefully to those around you. When I first started to teach tiny humans I could be found Sunday afternoons on the living room floor surrounded by crafting materials creating samples of activities and prepping those activities for preschoolers to complete later that week. One day my husband looked at me and simply said “I believe you have found your happy place.” I hadn’t realized but I had become so busy being an adult, doing adult things I slowly had given up the creative space in my life. Whether it is found in preschool crafts or cooking in the kitchen or writing words. I had lost part of me by not making space for creative moments. Sometimes we are unaware of our authentic places until someone looking in points it out. So listen carefully to those subtle hints, given in random moments.

Take time to sit in the quiet, listen to your heart, pray, meditate. Life can get so busy that we no longer can hear ourselves think. It is easy to allow the noise of the world around us to feed us our thoughts and influence our ideas. Sometimes we simply need to sit quietly. Without distractions of to-do lists or children asking for our attention or phone notifications alerting us. Sometimes we simply need to allow ourselves space to think, to reflect on what was so we can be fully present in what is now.

“Authentic is when our actions and words are congruent with our beliefs and values”.
Author Unknown

Let’s travel this journey towards being authentic a little longer.

Knowing who I am does the way I live day to day reflect what I say I believe and what I truly value?

You become what you believe.
Oprah Winfrey

What we value determines what we do.
Craig Groeschel

What is it that I believe? There is a time in our life when we may begin to process our belief system. Reflecting on what we were raised to believe, adding in our first-hand experiences, and forming our own beliefs on life. Often this happens without much intentional thought but rather as a reaction to what is happening around us. It seems if we want to live authentically we need to make sure we are intentional in understanding what we believe.

Am I living in a way that displays what I value? If someone from the outside was looking in would they be able to recognize what I value by how I live? How am I investing my time and resources to support what I say I value? If not how can I change that?

Living authentically is not an easy journey. Authenticity does not mean that we have to share everything about ourselves with everyone. Rather it means we are true to who we are, what we believe, and value most in our relationships and interactions with others. Not in a selfish, this is me deal with it kind of way. With a loving, caring, and honest approach to being my authentic self I can become more others-focused.