The little girl walks bravely across the street to deliver a special letter while mom watches over her from the porch steps of their home. The little boy eagerly runs around the block playing with his friends, not knowing that moms communicate via text monitoring their location. The preteens are finally allowed to cross the big road and walk to school independently, yet moms still linger from a distance, watching to make sure they are safe. The teen is out on a Friday night with her friends, unaware of her parents’ whispered prayers for her safe return.
The parenting journey begins with arms closed tight, holding gently the beautiful gift of life given into our care. But over time we are asked to loosen that grasp, allowing those tiny humans to begin to find their way in the world, under our watchful care.
We struggle as we ask ourselves if we still hold too tight or are letting go too quickly. The answer is not the same for each family. Not even the same for each child, as they are unique in their own way. In our hearts we know that we are not raising children, we are raising future adults. And the reality of that journey is magnified with each stage of parenting.
Often, we begin the journey believing we have some control, only quickly to learn we are mistaken. Oh yes, we can set structure and routines, but any parent of littles knows that just because we decide it’s bedtime does not mean that baby or toddler will sleep. We can set boundaries, rules, and expectations for our homes, yet as our children grow, more and more happens beyond our vantage point.
Ready or not with each passing year our parenting fingers are gently pulled open, or not so gently in some seasons.
Our children arrive with individualized personalities. While we wish to guide them, we never want to ask them to be who they are not. Yet, how do we guide them well, not asking of them too much or too little? We are figuring this parenting journey out as we go, and just when we think we’ve figured it out, something changes. It can feel as if we are aiming for a moving target.
We pray that we will survive these teenage years, only to learn that parenting does not end when our children leave home; it simply changes once more. Parenting is a journey that never ends, instead, it evolves with time. Sometimes, it may even feel as if we are growing more into our true selves, than our children into theirs. We are continually asked to face our shortcomings and struggles, asking if our parenting choices are about what is easiest for us or best for our children.
While in the trenches, it is important to remember that there are beautiful gifts at each stage of parenthood. There is joy in watching a toddler take their first steps or seeing your big kid light up when they’ve successfully completed a project. Our hearts beat faster over the sheer joy on tiny human faces as they discover new things or as we sit enjoying movie night with our big kids all at home. And, as we leave behind giggles and playful bathtimes, we enter into date nights that don’t require babysitters. There are always gifts.
Parenting is a road the even if we believe we know the destination, always twists and turns in unexpected ways. It is a road that if we allow it, can grow us stronger as we travel. It is a road that teaches us complete dependence, not on ourselves, for we can not do this journey well if we chose to travel alone. Parenting is a journey that brings us to our knees, more often than we care to admit. It is a journey that takes us through our greatest joys and our deepest heartaches.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, so just be a real one.
Sue Atkins
The most beautiful gift is that we do not have to travel this journey alone. No parent is perfect, and none of us have it all figured out. So as we find ourselves in seasons of doubt, with knees worn out from whispered prayers, let’s reach out to others on a similar journey, or those who have traveled ahead. As we watch those traveling behind us, wondering if this is normal or if they are doing something wrong, let’s be people who encourage and remind others they are not alone. It’s ok, to be honest, it’s good to be real.
Lord,
Thank you for the beautiful gifts of our children, for their captivating, unique selves.
There are not always words to express the feelings faced on this parenting journey.
The moments of extreme pride over who these tiny humans are becoming commingled
with the sheer terror that our parenting is insufficient.
Our deepest desire is to teach them and guide them well on their journey toward adulthood,
and yet we recognize that we can not always see what is best for them,
and they will not always make the choices we wish them to make.
So we open our hearts and our hands, giving them into your care,
understanding that you love them far more than we can dare to imagine.
Give us wisdom. Help us to know the right balance between showing grace and teaching responsibility.
Give us love when love feels difficult to come by. Give us patience when we feel we have no more left in us.
Help us know when to hold them close as protectors and when to allow our children room to spread their wings.
Thank you for giving us all that we need and more to travel this parenting journey well.
May we always remember our greatest strength is in our dependence on you, Lord.
Amen.
