Creating Space for the Unexpected.

There was a season in my life where I would wake early and not stop until I crashed each night. After getting myself ready for the day, it was on to get the kids up and ready for school, drop off kids at school, then teach preschoolers all morning, and afterward head to a second job. I would eat lunch at my desk while working and leave that job to pick up kids from school, then home to manage a household, including making dinner, laundry, and taking kids to various sports practices or evening activities. In fairness, I did not travel this journey alone, I have an amazing husband who is actively involved in helping, but regardless the days were exhausting.

The reality is that while all of us have different responsibilities and our schedules may vary, many of us operate on a similarly busy schedule. It is difficult for those of us with school-aged children to avoid, especially if those children participate in any extracurricular activities. After being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I remember sitting listening to a group of moms talking about how exhausted they were and how they were operating on caffeine to get them through the day. And as I listened to this conversation, I considered it a miracle that my doctor recognized my symptoms as potentially a chronic illness. She could have easily heard my complaints and written it off to normal life fatigue. Chronic exhaustion appears to be a common life symptom these days.

I looked at my calendar for many years and saw open space as an automatic yes when asked if I was available. Saying no when I didn’t have an actual conflict and was available didn’t make sense. Occasionally the yes was out of guilt, but honestly, I love being involved in various things and genuinely want to help. So when asked to participate in an event or volunteer my time, yes, came without much hesitation.

This mindset took me on a journey towards burnout and possibly contributed to my declining health. Eventually, my body demanded I step back. Yet, even when my body crashed, I continued to push through, determined to do everything I had always done. While I did a little less, I continued to take on more than I should.

For the past few years, I have been gradually accepting that I can’t do it all. Or rather, that doing it all is not in my or my family’s best interest. Having been caught in the hustle of life, I have recognized that being busy does not lead us to live a beautiful life. Therefore I have decided to change course, and I am soaking in as much learning as I can about living a slower and more purposeful life.

In this season of filling out the calendar for all the back-to-school and fall activities, I also arrived at the next book on my reading list, Essentialism by Greg McKeown. There are many good things to reflect on from this book, but I find myself lingering in chapter fifteen. In this chapter, he talks about the importance of having buffers. Greg says, “A ‘buffer’ can be defined literally as something that prevents two things from coming into contact and harming each other.” What is it about a chapter titled buffer that has caused me to linger? The short answer is it’s inspired me to consider the importance of creating space or buffers into my days?

Unexpected things happen in life. We hit traffic at the most inopportune times; someone gets sick, a friend needs support, or a major appliance fails. My personal experience with living a filled-in schedule is that it works if everything goes according to plan. However, throw in an unexpected situation, the stress levels rise, and the dominos start to fall. And this, my friend, is where buffers come in. Buffers create space for the unexpected; they allow us room to breathe and space to move at a less hectic pace.

Essentialists “build in buffers to reduce the friction
caused by the unexpected.”

Greg McKeown

So how do we create buffers?

Here are five things that I have been reflecting on and attempting to practice for myself.

Start by recognizing that just because we can do it doesn’t mean we should do it. Whether it’s out of obligation or guilt, a fear of being left behind, a fear of people thinking you aren’t capable, most of us struggle to say no and allow yes to be our more natural response. We have to shift our mindset away from being reactive “yes” people.

Decide what matters most. Knowing where our priorities are before we start filling the calendar helps determine our best “yes.” If I say family is a priority but fill my calendar with activities that keep me on the go, away from my family, then my actions are not lining up with my words. Once we’ve determined our “yes,” we then are free to start saying “no”.

Remember, empty space is not available space. Just because we have an opening on our calendar does not mean we should fill it. We need to allow extra time for the unexpected, and for all the things that we don’t put on the to-do list, like calling a friend who needs some encouragement, writing a thank you note, or simply being still. It’s important to plan space for these extra important but often unscheduled tasks and unexpected happenings.

Schedule extra time for everything. In Greg McKeown’s book essentialism, he recommends one way to create buffers is to add fifty percent more time to everything you schedule. For example, block out an extra thirty minutes for a meeting scheduled for an hour. This way, if things take longer, we don’t feel rushed, and if things end sooner, we have some bonus time, a little extra space in our day. Allowing extra time often reduces stress and eliminates the need to hurry.

Know yourself and your capacity. I used to think of myself as having a high capacity. I could do a lot and get a lot accomplished in my day. Yet, as my calendar continued to fill and I eliminated any empty spaces, I learned I did not truly have the capacity I thought I had. As an introvert, I need time alone to process and regroup. When I was running from work to picking up kids from school to committee meetings or other evening activities, I found myself being with people all the time. And my being with people all day was leaving me emotionally depleted. It’s essential to know how we are weird, what drains us and what fuels us in order to plan accordingly. Knowing what is life-giving for you and what exhausts you helps you determine the best use of your time.


The reality is we don’t always have the option of saying “no” to everything that drains our energy. But, we do have the opportunity to make choices that allow us to live purposefully rather than reactive to circumstances. We get to decide what matters most and how we engage in the various demands of life. We can determine our best “yes” and schedule our days with buffers added. We can live life on purpose.

The cost of a thing is the amount of life which is required
to be exchanged for it.

Henry David Thoreau