“Bravery is moving Scared”
Rebekah Lyons
Over the years as I’ve taken various personality assessments or social style evaluations I’ve frequently been seen as having a split personality. Apparently a highly task driven individual(that’s me) is not meant to also be highly people-focused (me also). I have been told they aren’t generally compatible with one another. One facilitator in a class I was taking suggested that I must live with constant inner conflict. I guess as a result of battling with myself over whether to prioritize people or getting things done. Thankfully the Enneagram came along allowing me to coexist with myself in a more harmonious manner. Turns out I am a strong three, the performer with a strong two-wing, the caregiver. Task and people-driven are very much allowed to co-exist in one person. And if you are not familiar with the enneagram, it’s worth googling.
We often find we are given labels by others or even ourselves that we wear. Some labels we wear cause us to feel the need to exclude other optional labels. We are introverted so we don’t like to be around people. Not always true. I am introverted, I need time alone to process and recharge but I love being around people. I am fearful so therefore I am not brave or I am slow to speak so I am shy. We could probably come up with so many different scenarios where we have been given a label that says we are one thing, so we, therefore, cannot be another. I’d like to disagree.
As a child I was fearful. Still to this day, fear can often be my first response. Maybe because I was more afraid of failing, missing out, not being able to achieve something. Maybe because of the influence of my parents and others. I’m not sure but for whatever reason within my fear, God had wired me with the tools to not remain stuck in that place. When I was kid anxiety wasn’t really a label you were given. In fact, even if it had been I’m not sure anyone would have ever seen me as an anxious child. On the outside I could appear brave, doing what needed to be done while inside my stomach remained in knots. As a youth, I was blessed to be in a position where my environment, faith in God, and the support system gave me the support and resources needed that I was able to overcome fear. As a young adult, my desire to not miss out lead me to plan ahead and be prepared to reduce the potential situations that I knew would cause me anxiety and stress. When we had children I had go bags for almost every potential scenario. I had towels and changes of clothes for my boys so if they happen to end up in the creek at the park and muddy, no problem, I was prepared. And when I felt prepared, I found I was more able to move past my anxiety. For most of my life, I just handled fear and anxiety. It was never anything I ever talked about, shared. I would have random meltdowns, label it something that made sense, and move on. I told myself that God had equipped me with everything I needed and therefore I would be ok, I could do this, and I did. Until one day I couldn’t……..
Anxiety isn’t just something that you will yourself to get over. It also isn’t something that we need to hide in the closet. And in reality, my attempt to “handle” my anxiety created different kinds of control issues for me to later acknowledge. For some reason when it comes to invisible illnesses we have developed this idea that if we can’t see it, it doesn’t really exist. So there can be a lack of support or encouragement. There is also a fear of reaching out and asking for the help we need. Did you know that there are all types of anxiety and it impacts everyone differently? In the US alone over 40 million adults or 18.1% of the population struggle with some form of anxiety and for those with anxiety, 50% will more than likely battle depression. The rates of anxiety among youth are also on a rapid incline. Based on a recent poll(April 2020) it is estimated that almost half (45%) of American Adults are feeling increased anxiety during this pandemic we are living in.
Before my official diagnosis with Multiple Sclerosis looking back we can see an increase in my stress and anxiety levels. Which like most of my symptoms were easily written off as being an overextended, overcommitted mother of two boys? The reality is that MS increases your likelihood of anxiety and depression issues. Yay. Then as it turns out the medication I currently take to help with my MS also increases anxiety and depression so double whammy on top of an already fragile coping mechanism. I was a hot mess. So being my task-oriented get things done self, not wanting to damage my family with the irrational outbursts I marched myself to my doctor to announce I needed medication, I refused to live like this. And let me tell you, it made all the difference in the world. Medication does not mean I am never fearful or anxious or stressed. Medication means I can take a breath and better process my fear and anxiety.
Now that I’ve shared a little of my story let’s circle back to where we talked about labels and how we often are told or believe that if we are one thing we can not be the other. I have on occasion heard statements to the effect of “I am full of anxiety, I am definitely not brave”. No, if you are full of anxiety or battling depression you are the bravest of all. Rebekah Lyons says in her book Rhythms of Renewal that “Bravery is moving scared”. I truly believe we are bravest when we keep going in spite of the fear and anxiety that threatens to hold us back. We are also brave when we are honest about what we need, where we are at and we allow ourselves the support we need to keep moving forward. Maybe it’s counseling, maybe it’s a medication. It might look different for different people.
When I’m standing at the base of a mountain, afraid of the climb. Fear of heights, fear of potential dangers, the what if’s holding me back. I’ve learned to remind myself that the view at the top is worth the risk. I acknowledge the fear but it does not get to tell me what I can and can not do.
If the best views come after the hardest climbs then
Joy Marker
I do not want to live having missed out on the best views.
Right now, in the world we are living, fear and anxiety are rapidly gaining a foothold in our everyday lives. There is a good chance that mental health issues are rising as fast if not faster than the Corona Virus is spreading. So if you like me you find yourself struggling with anxiety you are not alone. But also know this.
It is possible to acknowledge the fear, the anxiety and to still be brave. You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out, one out of every two people you see is probably in a similar situation.
As a preschool teacher in a church preschool, we have a song we teach our beautiful tiny humans. Yet I think we might all need to learn this song.
“Be strong, Be strong
and courageous, and courageous.
Do not be afraid, do not be afraid.
God is with you, wherever you go.”
Remember, Fear is not the boss of you. Brave is moving scared. So let’s be brave, be strong, and remember we do not live this life alone.
