Grief, The Story That Never Ends Only Changes With Time.

January is more than just the beginning of a new year for me; it brings with it the anniversary of my journey with Multiple Sclerosis. This journey with Chronic Illness now traveled for two years. While some anniversaries (such as my wedding anniversary, which also falls in January) cause celebration, others bring up deep grief.

Grief is most associated with death, the loss of a loved one. Yet, grief is a natural process with any loss and often arrives unexpectedly. We can find ourselves grieving over the loss of a job, a move, a relationship that ends, even an unexpected diagnosis. Grief has no respect for persons or circumstances, nor does it adhere to any set of rules. Years ago, when I miscarried early in my pregnancy, I refused to grieve for a long time, believing my loss was less significant than someone who lost a child late in pregnancy or after birth. But grief can only be ignored for so long before it breaks through, often arriving in unexpected ways and at random times. My loss, your loss matters, whatever that loss is, and it needs to be grieved.

On this particular anniversary, my neurologist ordered an MRI. Multiple Sclerosis, like grief, follows no pattern. It behaves differently for each person that lives with it. It also travels unseen. While on the outside, one can appear to be doing well, inside the disease could be at work, waiting for a time to reveal itself. So no matter how things appear on the outside, what is happening inside your brain is what matters most. Some days I can pretend MS is not there, then an MRI reveals what is true. There is a chronic, potentially debilitating disease living inside my body.

Grief like MS can be something we forget for a time. We can, for a season, pretend the pain does not exist. On good days, I can pretend I do not have MS, but eventually, there will be an MRI, and what is inside will be revealed. For many who have walked journeys with grief, it is a process that comes in waves. It can ease for a season and then asked to be acknowledged once again. The more you determine to ignore grief, the more demanding it becomes, the more internal damage it can cause.

Rather than pushing away grief, ignoring it, I am learning to lean into it. Lean in and ask what grief needs of me, to move through it to come out stronger. And as I grieve, I must feel all the grief, listening and learning from what it has to tell me.

Grief is a story that demands to be written. Not all of us are writers, and even for writers, not all our stories are shared out loud. But grief needs to be processed whether by journaling, talking with a spouse or friend, even simply acknowledging it out loud to ourselves. In some situations, the grief may require professional help, do not be afraid to ask for help.

Grief is a journey that may require you to walk, really take a walk. Physically moving our body, getting outside into nature can have a significant impact on our mental health. A study conducted https://www.pnas.org/content/112/28/8567.abstract showed walking in nature had a more substantial effect on reducing depression than walking in high traffic areas. Getting our bodies moving and #optingoutside is proven to improve our emotional and mental health.

Grief reminds us, life is better when lived in a community. When we are experiencing grief, the first reaction may be to withdraw. And for some, there may be a need for time to process alone. But it is not good for us to spend too much time alone with our grief. Having community helps us not to linger in the negative space too long. Community pulls us out and through to a place we can move forward, focused not on what was, but rather what is.

“Grief never ends.
But it changes.
It’s a passage, not a place to stay.

Grief is not a sign of weakness,
nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.”

Author Unknown

Most of us experience loss and wrestle with grief in our lives. My writing is not counseling; it is merely the sharing of my journey with grief. If you are dealing with grief that feels more than you can handle, please reach out for professional help. Grief can be all-consuming and can rob us of living life well, fully present in the gift of each day. But grief can also be a teacher, helping us grow beyond ourselves and drive us to live well in a community with others.