Flexibility is not a word naturally associated with planning. Yet just like other opposites, these words can co-exist and do co-exist nicely together. When we are worried only about ourselves, it’s pretty easy to make a plan and stick to a schedule. Add a spouse, and there can be an adjustment period, attempting to figure out how to balance our need to plan with our husband’s more spontaneous nature. Then the babies arrive, and well planning might just be a thing of the past. It’s not uncommon for natural planners to find ourselves either in a constant state of stress over the chaos of life or fighting desperately to control the chaos. However, if we desire to live fully present in the moments, to live this one beautiful life we have well, we might need a different approach.
Recently I was listening to the latest episode of The Lazy Genius, where Kendra Adachi was talking about resurrecting routines. She did not give the listener a ten-step plan or sample routines; instead, she reminded us to think about the purpose of routines—she describes routines as the on-ramp to the destination, not the goal itself. Whether creating routines or making plans, it is essential to remember your why. What is the end goal, the benefit, the purpose?
Recognizing that my desire for a structure was interfering with my ability to live life well, I found I needed to readjust my approach. I understood myself enough to know that not having any structures or routines made my anxiety and stress levels rise, and I wasn’t at my best. So I decided I would start planning to be flexible or, as I like to say, have a Flexible Plan.
So how does one plan to be flexible? The idea is so simple it’s easy to miss. To summarize, it means we make plans knowing there is a good chance things won’t happen as planned. So we put some back-up plans in place to make adjusting the plan less stressful. Our back-up plans allow us to adapt and be flexible to the circumstances of that day. While I apply this concept to many areas, three primary areas that have benefited the most from flexible planning are my children, meal planning, and exercise.
Flexible Planning and Children. When my first son was born, I knew a schedule was necessary for my sanity, especially working part-time. Yet I also didn’t want him so scheduled that I couldn’t have lunch with a friend. While I mostly made his baby food, I kept prepackaged food in his diaper bag, so if an outing went longer than expected or a friend invited me to coffee, I could feed him on the go. We adjusted nap times around life, not a life around nap times. Always considering what worked best for the overall functioning of our family. Sounds easy but we know not all babies will just comply with your plan. My second son was a lover of all things routine. So adding the ability to be flexible into his schedule was a little more challenging. Planning to be flexible with him at times meant I was the one who adjusted. We still didn’t cave to his schedule if it meant missing out on something important. Yet, we also knew he was more important than some social activities or plans and would adjust to make it work for all of us. Flexible planning with a family isn’t about making everything best for yourself. It’s about creating a healthy rhythm for the entire family.
Flexible Planning and Meal Planning. How many of us cringe when we hear what’s for dinner? I love a good meal plan, but life doesn’t always work with the meal planned. Especially as kids get older, and you have spontaneous play dates, sports practices, and just generally crazy days. Playdate often turns into can they stay for dinner. Chili for dinner might not work for every kid, and my kids would beg for pizza or chicken nuggets because that’s what their friend liked. There are also days when the prep work required for the planned meal feels too much to handle. So planning to be flexible with meal planning has been so helpful. First, I make most of our food from scratch, but you will find frozen pizzas, chicken strips in the freezer, and individual mac and cheese bowls at our house. If we have unexpected youth, we have food that most of them will eat. Or if it’s just been a long day, I can throw a frozen pizza in the oven and make my kids feel like it’s Friday night on a Tuesday. When I plan our meals for the week, I try to make sure not all meals take forty-five minutes to cook. If meatloaf is on the menu for dinner, but we are running late or need to get to a kid’s practice, I might throw spaghetti on and save the meatloaf for tomorrow. We have a meal plan, but that meal plan is flexible to flow with our days’ rhythm.
Flexible Planning and Exercise. When life gets busy, one of the easiest things on the schedule to skip is exercise. Most of us dread exercise to start with, then if you add tired and overwhelmed opting out of movement is often the most comfortable thing. As someone who lives with Multiple Sclerosis, my body needs to move regularly to ensure it doesn’t forget how to move. I feel better, both mentally and physically, when I exercise. But life sometimes doesn’t make that easy. So I have an exercise plan, but I also have a back-up plan. An early morning appointment might mean I can’t take a thirty-minute walk. Rather than do nothing, I will complete a short pilates routine on my mat and, if possible, walk later in the day or after dinner. Planning to be flexible and having back up options for when life or my body says “not today” means exercise is not an all or nothing habit. It’s what works for today, and let’s just do what we can.
The idea of flexible planning is that you have alternatives in place that allow you to adjust to your days’ rhythms. You are not driven by the concept that a plan worked or failed, that it has to be structure or chaos. You can hold the tension between the need for organization, for a plan, and the desire to live fully present in each day’s moments. The concept of flexible planning allows the avid planner more space for flexibility. It also allows the individual who is not known for planning the ability to calm the chaos.
Take a moment to reflect on areas that you might adopt a flexible planning approach. If you are an avid planner, remember, plans are not the boss of how our day is spent. If you lean more towards spontaneous living but find yourself overwhelmed at the end of the day, maybe some flexible planning might calm your chaos.
Stay committed to your decisions but
Tony Robbins
stay flexible in your approach.
If you find this helpful you might also enjoy listening to The Lazy Genius Podcast https://www.thelazygeniuscollective.com/lazy/routines
If you missed last week’s blog post I mentioned the idea of planning to be flexible along with other ways to help you find balance in a chronically out of balance world https://randomreflection.com/reflecting-on-finding-balance-in-a-chronically-out-of-balance-world
