The Art of Noticing Without Judgement

From managing adults to teaching tiny humans, observation was an essential technique taught throughout my working life. The concept behind observation is taking time to notice and record specific events, recognizing work well done, and noting areas that further coaching might be of value. I had never considered that observation also included making a judgment or inference based on observation.

Until, I had an opportunity to take a virtual class in Conscious Disciple earlier this year, where I learned about noticing rather than observation. Over the three months I took this class, the word noticing keeps showing up in books, podcasts, and other unrelated areas. It seemed to appear everywhere and demand reflection. While observing and noticing appear similar, there is one significant difference. Observation generally involves judgment about what a person observed. Whereas noticing focuses on the awareness of what is without judgment.

I have always been a huge fan of paying attention, and I would have said that I notice things. Yet as I began to process the subtle difference between observing with inference or judgment and noticing without judgment, I realized that I lean heavily on observation with judgment. I have created this habit of associating observations with the required action. If I observe that I am feeling tired today, I transition from that observation into questions such as “why am I tired?”. Those observations and questions quickly turn into a need to solve the problem. Do I need to drink more water, go for a walk, or take a nap? What will make me not feel tired?

When it comes to observing others, I had no idea how often observation became about “me” rather than the encouragement of others. When sharing observations with others, it is common to make statements such as, “I noticed that you used a lot of the color blue in the picture. I love blue. Is that your favorite color?” Sounds great, right? Nothing but positive. And yet, for the listener, the use of “I” can easily translate into “she likes blue, and so if I use blue, she will like my picture.” Unintentionally I have now placed a good or bad value on the work observed.

Observation, even intended as encouragement, can quickly become about doing work that keeps the observer happy. In Conscious Discipline, they say, “When we judge too often, the excited 4-year-old child who shouts, “look at me!” grows into an anxious 8-year-old who asks, “Is this ok?”

Noticing done well says not, “I see you,” but rather “you are seen.” It takes the observer out of the equation and emphasizes the person or work noticed. It seems simple, right? Observation and noticing are not that different, a slight shift in mindset and vocabulary, and off you go.

Or maybe not? There seems to be this thing about the judgment that trips us up. It is tough to notice or observe without making a judgment. Most of us like to add vocabulary to an observation that intentionally or unintentionally states if we agree or disagree, like or dislike what we noticed. We are hardwired even in encouragement to end up making it all about us.

It seems there is a learned art to noticing what is without the need to place a value of good or bad, right or wrong on it. In particular when it comes to noticing other people. To simply appreciate what is and allow it to be without judgment is a complex art to master. At least based on my journey of transitioning from observing to noticing.

And, it is a journey, as I am far from mastering the art of noticing without judgment.

And, I am inspired to travel this journey inspired by these questions.

What gifts might we find if we were able to notice the rain without deciding the rain meant a miserable, dreary day?

What gift might we give others, especially our tiny human friends, if we were able to master noticing their work, their art, their play as a beautiful process, untainted by our opinion or judgment?