We are well-connected and yet lonely people.
I have read several variations of similar statements noting that while we are the most connected people, we are also some of the loneliest people. This statement feels like a conflict; connected people should not be lonely.
My brain hears the word connection and associates it with words like gather, community, friendship, and more. This thought process is not uncommon; thesaurus.com will give you as synonyms a string of words linking connection to relationships, such as kindred, relation, friend, associate, and more.
So why, when we are connected and connected to so many people, do we find ourselves feeling isolated and lonely?
After reading many words, thoughts, and ideas from others on connections, I wrote these two simple statements in my journal.
Connections are about doing.
Relationships are about being.
We are some of the busiest people ever. Our calendars are packed full of activities and events. And, thanks to technology and social media, we stay connected with large numbers of people. We even celebrate when the numbers on our social media accounts grow.
For years, we have fooled ourselves into thinking that our busyness and connections equate to relationships and feelings of belonging.
Then #pandemiclife forced us all to pause, and many began to understand that being busy and connected does not lead to contentment, belonging, or genuine relationship. It seems we can know a lot of people and do a lot of things, yet when you take away all the “doing,” we find loneliness lingering there, waiting.
Having connections is not a negative scenario. Most relationships are built from connections and often begin in places of “doing” activities together. Sadly though, many remain in that place connected to a building or activity, never growing beyond connection.
So how do we move beyond connection?
1. Do less and be more.
Leave white space on your calendar, and then pay attention. Are there individuals you would like to move from connections into friendships? Invite them to meet for coffee or maybe lunch. Even better yet, invite them into your home. Instead of always “doing,” start spending time “being” together.
“If you are trying to make friendship an addendum to your busy schedule, it will never work.”
Jennie Allen
2. More reality, less pretend.
Instead of feeling the need to be perfect, let’s embrace our perfectly imperfect selves. We look around and see where everyone else is succeeding, and it becomes easy to feel the need to put our best foot forward. Often pretending we are perfectly fine when we are not; no one is always fine. Dr. Curt Thomspon has said something to the effect of “truer stories lead to deeper connections.” We can move beyond surface connection only when we show up as our true selves.
3. Grow smaller but deeper roots.
Grow a smaller mindset, recognizing more is not better. And start digging deeper to get to know a few people well. Growing your platform on social media is fine, but all those connections do not equate to relationships built. Start small with a few people and invest the time in growing those friendships.
How beautiful the world would be if we planted more seeds of connection. Then invested the time to water and feed, slowly allowing the roots to grow deeper into glorious friendships.
@joy.marker
Here are a few books to check out if you want to move beyond connections into deeper friendships.
Finding your People by Jennie Allen
Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover
While focused on connection to where we live, this book is full of practical tips for moving beyond connection to belonging in your community.
This is Where you Belong by Melody Warnick
