I’ve been wrestling with comfort, defining and understanding a healthy approach to comfort. Google comfort, and you are likely to find quotes and articles about stepping out of your comfort zone in order to achieve greatness. Article after article will tell you that living in your comfort zone keeps you in a mental state that does not allow for personal growth, whereas discomfort inspires growth.
While I am generally a fan of a growth mindset, I struggle to believe that comfort is all bad. Throughout the Psalms, King David speaks of how God will restore his life and increase his comfort. And the apostle Paul instructs the Corinthians to give comfort to others as they themselves have received comfort. It seems comfort has been woven into our DNA, both as givers and receivers.
In recent years I have been learning that two opposites can be true and that there is a season for everything. Just as nature does not grow and produce every season, so might we find ourselves in seasons that ask for comfort over growth. There are seasons in which our body and mind may need to recover and rest in rhythms and routines that bring comfort, embracing what is known and familiar so that we might prepare for something new. And these days, as the world outside feels chaotic, we may need to find restoration in the comfort of our homes.
Yet, it is also important to understand that seeking to avoid discomfort in our lives, doing only that which is comfortable, can lead us to an unhealthy place. A stagnant place that keeps us from learning and growing fully into ourselves. And there are also times in which we ourselves do not require comfort; instead, we are to comfort others in their need.
It would appear that comfort is a complex word, two opposites we hold together. Comfort can lead to restoration or complacency, depending on our approach. Comfort is also something that we receive and something we give to others.
As we approach comfort as both givers and receivers in a way that leads to restoration, not complacency, let’s consider Dr. Curt Thompson’s reference to our greatest longing, that of being fully known and loved. Might our greatest comfort come from our knowledge that we are already fully known and still fully loved by God. (2 Corinthians Chapter 1) And would it not then make sense to consider how those we seek to comfort might feel known and loved by us?
Let’s start by looking outward, reflecting on what it might look like to be someone who comforts others.
We are not solvers of others’ problems. While some of us are natural problem solvers (I being the chief offender), ninety-nine percent of the time, what others need from us is not a solution to their problem but support. When we step in to solve, we often shut down a person’s ability to express and process emotions. So let’s give others the space to process and simply be present to listen.
Then when giving our presence, let’s seek to be fully present. These days, we find ourselves pulled in so many directions that it can be difficult to be fully present in one place. It can be hard to focus on what or who is right in front of us as our minds process a list of a thousand tasks. Yet, there is nothing that tells someone they matter, like being fully present when we are with them. Perhaps we can practice rhythms that allow us to focus on one task or one friend at a time. Such as creating a habit of putting our phones away when having coffee with a friend.
And let’s not wait to be asked. Instead, let’s be people who just show up. Not everyone knows what they need or how to ask for support. And often, unexpected and random acts of kindness provide the best comfort. So when we see a friend dealing with something stressful, or they have sick kids at home or are grieving, don’t wait. Just show up. Drop off dinner, flowers, and chocolate, or mail a handwritten note. It doesn’t have to be big, fancy, or expensive to say you are seen and loved.
So now we’ve considered the giving of comfort, how then might we find comfort?
I have found that comfort begins within. As someone who believes in a God who provides comfort, I must practice rhythms that have me regularly conversing with God to receive that comfort by sharing my heart and listening for his.
Comfort is also found in my home when I practice rhythms and routines, creating a space that invites family and friends to stay. Having regular rhythms for me reduces the stress of always trying to figure out what comes next, and reduced stress breeds comfort. Creating an inviting environment in my home that says you are welcome here brings me, and hopefully, others comfort. In winter and fall, cozy throws and candles spread throughout, and cooking healthy comfort foods can be comforting for me, but you might find other things that bring comfort to your home.
Family and community can also be a source of comfort. When the world is crazy and chaotic, it is good to know some people love and care for you and are always there. We constantly remind ourselves and our children that the world can be harsh, but our family needs to be a safe place where we encourage and love each other. And while building a safe community of friends can be difficult, it is worth the effort. Because life is always better when lived in community with others. And healthy community can be a beautiful source of comfort.
Comfort is something we make, environments we create.
@joy.marker
It’s rhythms and habits that ease our pain.
Comfort is a breeder of complacency, But also,
It’s a restorer of heart and soul.
Comfort is something we give and something we take.
It’s an action that inspires a feeling.
Comfort is a skill, not a trait.
It’s the art of seeing with heart and mind.
May you find healthy rhythms for your ordinary everyday that bring you comfort as you seek to be someone who gives comfort to others in this broken and hurting world.
