“Life is a chronic illness”, says author and podcaster Kate Bowler. On the one hand, we can hear that and think, “wow, that’s a depressing way to look at life.” On the other hand, as someone living with a chronic illness, I can relate to the intent behind Kate’s statement.
We live in a world that promotes living well as a standard to achieve. We need Instagram stories that show amazing adventures and beautiful things. We live in a world where we value busyness, and where achievement is the hard-earned promotion or the kids on the honor roll. We live in a world where what we do is seen as a higher priority than the person we are. We live in a world where we like to believe we are in control of our destiny. Do good things, and good things will come to you.
As we travel through life, most of us face a few hard bumps, some harder than others, and in these bumps, we have a few fingers of control pried away from the steering wheel. Yet we often hold onto whatever areas we can still maintain a sense of control. Our security becomes our physical health, our bank account, our neat and well-decorated home. When other things in life feel out of control, we can fall back and rest easily within the areas that we still manage; until we can’t. Life as a chronic illness does not look like an actual chronic illness for everyone. It can look like an unexpected journey, job loss, death of a loved one, unexpected diagnosis. It is the point in our lives when we stand face to face with the reality that life happens and often in ways we did not plan for or expect.
After my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis, it felt as if the last shred of the illusion of control I once held dear was ripped from my hand. Whatever thoughts I once had, that if I made the right decision, if I ate well, exercised enough, did all the right things, life would be good, they were now shattered. Now just at the moment, I begin to forget, to feel normal, chronic illness has a way of reminding me it is still there. It could be a great day, a day with lots of energy and getting things done and, then in the blink of an eye, I can crash. I can go from handling it all to managing nothing well. Physically or emotionally, it is unpredictable and often uncontrollable. Chronic illness or not, we are all living in that same world of unknowns and unexpected, especially in this season of Pandemic life.
Chronic illness or not, we are all living in that same world of unknowns and unexpected, especially in this season of Pandemic life.
The good news is that this realization does not stop us from living this one life we have well—quite the opposite. When we finally understand and recognize how little control we have over what happens in life, we can begin the transformation journey from attempting to “do” all the things to “being” all the things that matter most. We can let go of wishing life would be different and learn to live the best version of the life we have been given. To understand that life can sometimes be more than we can manage, but we do not have to handle it alone or in our own strength. We learn the value of who we are as a person is far greater than the things we do or achieve. Because when we can no longer do what we have always done when we can no longer travel the way we’ve always traveled, our perspective on what matters most changes.
If our weakness is not entirely apparent, then God’s strength will not be entirely apparent either. God’s works are powerfully evident in His healing of our hurts, but perhaps even more profoundly in the not yet healing. That’s why how we suffer matters.
Jay Wolf, Suffer Strong
Strength and Weakness can co-exist. We can be physically weak and yet walk that journey with such dependence and strength of character. We can be emotionally depleted and show the strength of character by our willingness to ask for support. Allowing God to fill our empty bucket and let our community hold us when we can not stand on our own. Life is a chronic illness. Not one of us walks through this life with a picture-perfect scenario. Yes, we need to do all the things, take care of ourselves, and make good choices. Yes, we need to work hard and love hard and try new adventures. But those all only add up to living our best lives when we let go and understand control is only an illusion.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9
